Do not tell someone get over it. Help them get through it.
You might have suffered a loss of a friend; family member; loved one or relative. You might have gone through a nasty relationship breakup or divorce. You might have suffered through addiction.
You might have gone through financial loss; lost your business or lost your job. This are terrible and challenging situations, and the least thing you need is to hear someone say to you “Get over it”.
Elizabeth Broadbent shared this thought and it really hit my nerve. I hope it will do the same to you about today’s topic.
“Get over it” denies the basic ways that human emotions work. Being told to “get over it” also insinuates that someone’s inability to control their feelings is weak. The emotions themselves become a sign and symptom of that weakness.
But there’s nothing weak about feeling a certain way. The insinuation is both rude and insulting. When you tell someone to “get over it,” you tell them that their emotions are not worth having, that they’re invalid.
Moreover, a person told to just “get over it” feels unheard, like no one is listening. If you really did listen to their concerns — to their grief or their anger or their sadness or disappointment — then you’d understand that they can’t just “get over it.”
You’d understand that they need to process whatever is going on. You’d say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I wish you felt differently,” because you’d hear what they’re going through.
When someone is hurting, their feelings should be the ones in the spotlight, not the petty annoyance those feelings cause. You put yourself above them; you make yourself superior. No one deserves that, no matter how inconvenient their feelings might be to you.
You can’t tell someone to just “get over it.” Not over a mental illness, not over a deceased pet, not over a bad day, and not over an election. It’s minimizing. It’s rude. It’s unfeeling and cruel. But most of all, telling someone to just “get over it” makes you a jackass — a controlling, uncaring jackass.
By telling me to “get over it”, won’t mitigate my feelings. It won’t help. It won’t make anything better. In fact, it just makes me mad. Because truthfully, no one gets to tell anyone else to “get over it.”
You can’t tell someone to stop feeling their own feelings. There aren’t magic emotion faucets you can turn off at will. You can’t control them. You’re telling someone to do something that’s impossible, and it’s frustrating.
Believe me, if someone could just “get over it,” they would. No one wants to wallow in negative feelings, in sadness, anger, or grief. The only way to deal with these emotions is to let them run their course, let them pass over and through you and finally leave you behind.
So if you can’t think of something better to say — and there are many things, including, “I’m so sorry” and “I hope you feel better” — then keep your mouth shut. – by Elizabeth Broadbent (Scary Mummy) – December 2, 2016.
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Until next week Tuesday, bye-bye for now.
Tshepo Ishmael Phetoane