Laughter is the best medicine.
1. Pushing his luck
A priest says to his friend, the Rabbi that, he has developed a plan of eating for free in really good restaurants.
“I simply go in at well past 9 in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, dessert, and then light up a cigar. At about 2 am, as they are cleaning up, I keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say, ‘I’ve already paid my original waiter, who has left for the night.’ And, because I am a man of the cloth, the waiter takes my word for it, and I just simply walk out the front door as calm as ever.”
The Rabbi, clearly impressed says, “Let’s try it together this evening.”
The priest agrees and books them into an expensive 5-Star Italian restaurant. They both eat like kings and, just as before, right at 2 am, they are both sitting quietly after enjoying their very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and hands the priest and the rabbi a bill and asks them to pay.
The priest calmly says: “I’ve already paid our original waiter who has left for the evening.”
Then the Rabbi adds:
“And we’re still waiting for the change!”
2. On his Deathbed
Doug Smith is on his deathbed, and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.
“So”, he says to them: “Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.”
“Sybil, take the apartments over in Pall Mall.”
“Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in City Centre.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the Thames.”
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says, “Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”.
Sarah replies, “Property?
“The idiot delivers newspapers!”
3. Be Careful of what you say in front of Children
His wife hosted a dinner party for all their friends, some of whom they hadn’t seen for ages. Everyone was encouraged to bring their children.
All through the meal his wife’s best friend’s four year old daughter stared at him as he sat opposite her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
He checked his shirt for spots, felt his face for food and patted his hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to ignore her but finally it was too much for him.
“Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet.
“I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”
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Until next week Tuesday, bye-bye for now.
Editor: FS News Online